I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
