I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
