Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
