ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
