you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
