No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
