the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
