haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
