i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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