Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
