yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
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A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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