If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
