Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
