first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
