i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
