Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
