I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
