You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
