News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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