Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
