I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
