Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize