I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
