omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
