so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
