Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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