non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
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Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
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Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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