i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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