Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
