So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
