I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
