my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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