He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
