Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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