M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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