I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So squirting runs in the family.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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