We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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