I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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