Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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