Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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