Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
