I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
