He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
A bitchslap is in order.
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