About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
