hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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