i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
