Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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