you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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