she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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