That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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