god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
