i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
