I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
