had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
