I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
