Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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