those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
