so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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