I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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