Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
