Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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