she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
