I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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