I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
