the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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