My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
