***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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