Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
