This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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