Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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