So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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