She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
