yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
