someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We named our party play list daddy issues
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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