so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
