never play flip cup with pint glasses
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
