none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
