If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
